Thank you Rosie the Riveter, the Suffrage Movement, and Victorian women. I appreciate the equality, but you made it really hard for me to just be a housewife. It seems the role of being mother and housewife is no longer respected as a position in the household, or as a life choice. Women are expected to be superwomen. Cook, clean, care for those in your family, and bring home a paycheck too. I've always just wanted to be a housewife, to care for my children, and care for my husband. Isn't that enough?
So many women these days have to put their career first, and that's just not me. I worked as a nanny for 3 years and really it made me sick and sad to be the one caring for other's children. I taught them life lessons that should have come from their mother. It must be confusing to be a child in this era. Who is really in charge here? Children are shuffled from authority to authority without that singular guidance. I wish that those mothers had the time to care for their own. Instead, they are out with the men, more concerned about income and job stability. Putting careers first, and putting off having children. This is becoming standard for women in bigger cities. It just seems backwards to me. Where have all the mothers gone?
My only solace is to try to work from home. I have no children of my own yet, and honestly I feel like I'm running behind schedule in that area. School and work seem to get in the way. But, once I do have children, I want to be home with them. I keep thinking that if I can spend my time and efforts now on this one goal of making a career for myself based in the home, that I can avoid the sorrow of leaving my children with strangers. Easier said than done.
I've been broke for months upon months. Truly depending on my own mother for support. It kills me to not feel that financial independence from her as I get older and older. She shouldn't have to work so hard. I thought I would be married by now, and have a loving husband to take care of that part as I took care of the rest. Not so. I do have a loving boyfriend who is supportive of me financially in so many ways. But with that support comes the guilt and expectation of it being temporary and made up for in repayment.
It isn't likely that I can expect to depend on others to support me in this day and age. It is most definitely frowned upon. But why? Isn't the love and emotional support of a mother just as important as the love and basic needs support of a father? I can't say that it doesn't sound selfish and perhaps a bit far fetched but to me it feels more right than anything else.
I often wish I was born two thousand years ago. I wish I was born into a native community. The men hunt and gather, the women tend to the homestead. If we didn't have daycares, schools, and nannies, how would the job get done otherwise?
Now, this is just me on my soapbox, wishing the world was different. I know it hasn't always been easy for women and that's why we fought for what we have now. I really appreciate my rights. But couldn't there have been a line in that spiel that said we could also choose to remain at home with our children?
It's a daily frustration for me. Being a nanny was as close as I could get to that feeling, but it is so hard to be that person for someone else's children. Thus the internal conflict I'm spilling here today. I just can't see my future in a cubicle, an office, or a place of business that is not my own. All I want in life is to love and be loved, some of the most important things in life, and I won't sit by and watch that take second place to my "career."
If you're out there Rosie, let's make this right. We need the freedom of choice. The freedom to choose to be a caregiver and a mother, without feeling like we are inadequate. If you can hear me, show me a sign. Because I'm at the point were it seems like a hopeless battle.
xo
-Elle
